Everyday I search...

***Wrote this several months back so enjoy!

Everyday I Search...
For Truth
For Honesty
and a smile or two

And Everyday...

I look
listen
and absorb

your words as they surround me and feed my breaking soul.

Everyday brings sunshine that tingles upon my skin
And everyday brings a new outlook on life
God tickles my face with the warm breeze he blows...
I am so lucky to be able to truly feel His blessings Hes so generously bestowed upon me.

I am grateful for every breath I take
For every sound I am fortunate enough to hear
For the relationships I have
and for finally reaching inner peace after a long tumultuous drought of self doubt...
I have put an end to the inner war raging in my soul.

I am truly grateful and honored...
for every word you speak to me...It's never spoken with regret.
for getting to really see YOU...you put yourself out there for me.
And for knowing you...the real you...I appreciate you so much more.

And I am thankful for no judgment passed
and the way you look at me
with that crooked little smile.
And you see me...The real me...

I am truly blessed to be here in this moment, with my family and friends...I am grateful for being alive.

All these wasted hours

All these wasted hours I go
Without seeing your face
All the nights I spend alone
Is when I miss the warmth of your embrace…
I long for you my sweet,
My distant loving heart,
And I rue each and every mile
That continues to keep us apart
You visit me sometimes
In waking dreams that are so real
And then I wake to find myself alone
Without your warm body to feel.
I will not waste tears my love
No, I refuse to feel any pain
For I know the faits are speaking now
And I know I will see you again.
The only thing now
That appeases my weary heart
Are my thoughts and dreams of you, my love
And the time when we are no longer kept apart.


I wrote this a little while back and just found it and thought I would share =)

Why I think Cupid can suck it. (sorry for the vulgarity mom)

It's not that I am anti-Valentines Day.I promise I'm a lover by nature. However, after spending the last 3 Valentines day without a significant other one's outlook on this oh-so-stupid and over-rated holiday kinda goes down the pooper if you catch my drift.

#1 Reason I hate Valentines Day-It's complete BS to not love each other this much every single day of your life so why the hell is there a day dedicated to it?

Modern relationships are difficult enough without having to stage a major performance on a designated day. In recent decades Valentine's Day has become so commercialized and bases soley on the material things you can receive and or buy for your significant other. The media is bombarded with images of these perfect bodies with perfect teeth giving each other chocolates, jewelry, flowers and back rubs. The message is: "Your love is measured by what you buy." Which is complete bull malarky (yea I just said bull malarky). So what it might boost the economy a tiny bit and the card and chocolate makers hit major paydirt...but what is Valentines Day really supposed to be about? Why save up all that love and romanticism for one night? Wouldn't it be more economical to spread it to every day of the year? If everyone was to show this much love and happiness towards each other, every day the world would be a brighter place right? One could only hope.

#2 Reason I hate Valentines Day-it's way to stinkin stressful and causes normal people to FREAK OUT!
This is a stressful holiday for most people... Men in particular, agonize over the greeting card racks, hoping that they can choose a card that is not too funny, not too mushy b/c they don't want to give her the wrong idea. And this brings me to the gift: "How will she interpret it?" they ponder. "If I buy her chocolates will she think I want her to get fat? If I don't buy her chocolates will she think I assume she is fat?" "Are roses too predictable?"(which the answer is yes by the way)Poor guys...Talk about STRESSFUL! I mean don't most men screw this day up anyway? Even with all the bells and whistles and reminders that keep popping up in front of them they just are not that great at remembering a holiday(or birthday, anniversaries, etc) that pretty much determines the fait of their sex life for a LONG TIME. I don't get it!!!As for the ladies (yes I am talkin to my own kind here) ya'll run around in a vain attempt to uncover the big mystery of what your boyfriends are planning which makes all of your single friends (AHEM me) think they are going certifiably insane. It's SUPER ANNOYING. Which brings me to my last reason for hating V-Day...

# 3 Reason for hating Valentines Day-All your single friends feel like POO!
Here is a hint...We do not give a crap about what your boyfriend/husband/funbuddy does for you. We give a crap about how crappy it makes us feel that we yet again, are alone on one of the most loved/loathed holidays ever created. You see, Valentine's Day is like a slap in the face for people who are not in a relationship. Because the day is SO focused around love and the subsequent partner in which one shares that love with, those without such love and without such a partner miss out on the festivities. Thus,single people like me are undoubtedly found drowning our sorrows at the nearest bar Or better yet, parked on our couches with a load of chocolate and a great bottle (or bottles in my case) of wine...watching The Notebook.(yep that one I've been there and done that...NEVER AGAIN.) Whatever the case may be it is politically incorrect to have a holiday that intentionally excludes a big ass group of people. And its just plain mean. Why not have a holiday celebrating singles? At least the bars could give really great drink specials and have all kinds of single people running amuck sipping on drinks with names like a "moping martini" or a "lonely lemon drop". Now THERE is a holiday I'd be happy to celebrate.


My sentiment, as this oh-so-ridiculous holiday approaches is this: Love the one your with. Appreciate the time you are able to spend with your significant other. Don't focus on the material things..focus on your emotional well being and your connection with this special person. Just be thankful you get to be with someone that you love and cherish for all the reasons you love and cherish them. Life is short, good relationships are hard to come by so along with the flowers, candy and chocolate, make sure you let them know you appreciate them. ***Appreciation is not shown with material things***.... Love them that much everyday...not just the 14th of February. Also, take some time to appreciate your friendships. If you are like me, you love them just as much if not more than that special boy/girl in your life. I love the hell outta my friends...they are my rock and my salvation on a daily basis. Its more than I could ever ask for.

Speaking from personal experience, I have never really had a Valentines day worth remembering in a few years, so you may call me bitter...But I believe I am honest. I would just love to be able to share my life with someone who makes me happy. Flowers or no flowers.


***SIDENOTE*** This year I will be celebrating with great friends...some who are in relationships and some who are not. I couldn't be more happy to do so!

Happy V-day to all of you lovers out there.

The Art of Letting Go

Over the course of my lifetime I have had many friends, family and several ex-boyfriends to whom I had to say goodbye to. Sometimes I was the one being left behind and sometimes I did the leaving. No matter who is doing what part,it hurts like hell to leave or be left. The pain of letting go is not imaginary. It’s physical. Even when both parties agree it’s time to let go, the pain is still there. Letting go is tough because the mind with its discernment of “it’s time!” can be out of sync with the heart which loves without judgment or reserve. My mind was always ahead of my heart...hell, they disagree most of the time when it comes to matters of the 'heart'. But I got thru the pain and the tears only to come out of the situation a stronger, well-rounded, better WOMAN. I look at the past two years and thank GOD that he was there thru all of it guiding me thru the path he has laid before me. He was there and He will always be there.

I am fiercely protective of my friends, especially if they are going thru something so painful, that it becomes painful for me. I wish there was an EASY button for these situations but there isn't. All I can do is lend an ear when needed, a hug and kind words, or in most cases a big bottle of vino and girl time. It kills me when my friends or family hurt and I wish for nothing more than to make it all go away. I have been lucky in my lifetime to have friends who feel the same for me and have taught me that the art of letting go, however painful and crappy it gets, THEY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE for me, no questions asked. They made me see the positive side of things just when I thought things hit rock bottom and they picked me up, brushed me off and made me feel like me again. I am forever grateful for those people.

After all was said and done I came to the conclusion that the most splendid of futures will always depend upon the neccessity to release the past...to let it all go. You can not move forward in life unless you learn from your past mistakes and move on.

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.



Happy blogging and remember to think of others before yourself, dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go and try to be who you really are..Because life is short and often only gives you one chance to really experience your life.

Happy Blogging all...

Rheagan