Friday, September 10, 2010

My lil man...

I had a void...in my heart. You know that empty space that I was keeping free for well, a man or food...But I got Max. Maxamillion Rae Ortega to be exact. I met his brother Mack at Live on the Lake one faithful thursday evening this summer and was informed that there were many more puppies where he came from and that their living situation was not the best...which was all I needed! I'd been thinking about getting a dog for a while and I went and picked up Max that very same nite. He is a weiner/terrier mix ( I liked that he had the coloring of a weenie but the bod of a terrier...hes unique) Let me tell you that after a solid 24 hours with my lil nug I decided I no longer need a boyfriend, kids or anything else for that matter...cause I got the sunshine of my life! He has brought me so much joy...
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I mean look at this face? how can you NOT love him? Although all he did was sleep and poop for the first couple of weeks (see next pic) all I wanted to do was be home and cuddle him...and thats what I did. I gladly put the pathetic excuse of a social life I have here on hold to hang out with my lil man!
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Wouldn't you?

One of the things I was most worried about is my roomie's dog Kylie. Shes a border collie and an absolute sweetheart...She was very hesistant of Max at first only because he was soooo SMALL. These past few weeks have been fun to watch b/c they are now BFF FOREEVVEERRRR. They play like crazy...Actually Kylie just lets Max chew on her ears and legs...but lately she has been progressing to put Max's whole entire little head in her mouth!!!! It is highly entertaining to say the least.
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Max has found out that Kylie's big girl bed is his favorite place to nap and Kylie gladly shares...They are sooo cute together =)

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All in all I have found a somewhat happy place now and it is all b/c of this precious little nugget named Max. Life is good =) I mean how can you not love this face?
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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Letter to my Grandad....

I received a (Hand written I might add) letter in the mail from my 83 year old grandfather a couple of weeks ago that literally had me laughing and crying all at the same time. He is the most intelligent loving man a grand-daughter could ever ask for and I am truly blessed to have known him my entire 27 years of existence. Here is my reply to his letter...Better bust out the Kleenex ya'll cause I take after that man when it comes to the power of words. I cried writing the dang thing. Enjoy...

Dearest Grandad, 6/9/2010
I am so sorry it has taken me forever to respond to the most WONDEFUL letter I think I have ever received from you. You never cease to amaze me with you wit and charm dear sir. I’ll admit that your letter made me bawl like a baby while laughing hysterically so anyone who manages to do that is pretty amazing in my book.
I was thinking about my friends and their relationships with their grandparents the other day and I have to say that I am the luckiest person in the entire world not only to have known both sets of g-rents but my great g-rents as well. Not a lot of people get the opportunity to do so. It has been such a wonderful experience for me growing up with such loving family extended or not. I am truly blessed from the Big Guy above that I have people like you and Nana in my life still…I can tell you that I fear the day when you guys leave this world b/c I have known no other world than the one you both have existed in my entire life. It scares me but I know that ultimately it’s going to happen whether I want it to or not and I just want to tell you that I love you so much. You have taught me valuable life lessons that will stay with me for the rest of my life and that I will pass on to my children someday.
You and Nana both have taught me the importance putting the Lord first, as well as keeping family and friends close to you at all times because you never know when they can be taken from you. You have also taught me the importance of educating yourself and those around you, you have given me a love of the arts and without you I would have never been introduced to the world of poetry and writing. It is a world I have come to know, love and cherish with all of my heart and soul and I owe all of that to you. I think the most important thing you and Nana have taught me is to always have faith in love. You two have a relationship that I dream of being able to have with someone someday. You give me faith that love is alive and will find me someday. For that, I will be eternally grateful to both of you and I will keep the hope alive in my heart that love fills it one day soon.
Most importantly of everything you taught me is the importance of sticking to my guns and not shying away from someone who has an opinion that differs from mine. You always allowed me to voice my opinion (even though we didn’t agree on some things…ok a lot of things haha) you always encouraged me to be myself. No matter if I was right or wrong you taught me the importance of being an individual and I will never ever lose that. I will carry that with me forever and always Grandad. You are one of the most important men in my life and you will forever have a special place in my heart.
I miss you terribly but I was informed that I will be seeing you this weekend and I look forward to our annual game of cribbage and dominoes!
Te quiero much y siempre mi abuelo!

Love you always and forever,
Rheagan Leigh

P.S. You referenced your deteriorating memory in your letter however, you still remember lotsa things...Things even I don't remember. So I am attaching a Pablo Neruda poem entitled "If you forget me" with this letter. I know you will enjoy it and I love you every single day.

If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

I want you to know
one thing.

You know how this is:
if I look
at the crystal moon, at the red branch
of the slow autumn at my window,
if I touch
near the fire
the impalpable ash
or the wrinkled body of the log,
everything carries me to you,
as if everything that exists,
aromas, light, metals,
were little boats
that sail
toward those isles of yours that wait for me.

Well, now,
if little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you little by little.

If suddenly
you forget me
do not look for me,
for I shall already have forgotten you.

If you think it long and mad,
the wind of banners
that passes through my life,
and you decide
to leave me at the shore
of the heart where I have roots,
remember
that on that day,
at that hour,
I shall lift my arms
and my roots will set off
to seek another land.

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Everyday I search...

***Wrote this several months back so enjoy!

Everyday I Search...
For Truth
For Honesty
and a smile or two

And Everyday...

I look
listen
and absorb

your words as they surround me and feed my breaking soul.

Everyday brings sunshine that tingles upon my skin
And everyday brings a new outlook on life
God tickles my face with the warm breeze he blows...
I am so lucky to be able to truly feel His blessings Hes so generously bestowed upon me.

I am grateful for every breath I take
For every sound I am fortunate enough to hear
For the relationships I have
and for finally reaching inner peace after a long tumultuous drought of self doubt...
I have put an end to the inner war raging in my soul.

I am truly grateful and honored...
for every word you speak to me...It's never spoken with regret.
for getting to really see YOU...you put yourself out there for me.
And for knowing you...the real you...I appreciate you so much more.

And I am thankful for no judgment passed
and the way you look at me
with that crooked little smile.
And you see me...The real me...

I am truly blessed to be here in this moment, with my family and friends...I am grateful for being alive.

Monday, February 15, 2010

All these wasted hours

All these wasted hours I go
Without seeing your face
All the nights I spend alone
Is when I miss the warmth of your embrace…
I long for you my sweet,
My distant loving heart,
And I rue each and every mile
That continues to keep us apart
You visit me sometimes
In waking dreams that are so real
And then I wake to find myself alone
Without your warm body to feel.
I will not waste tears my love
No, I refuse to feel any pain
For I know the faits are speaking now
And I know I will see you again.
The only thing now
That appeases my weary heart
Are my thoughts and dreams of you, my love
And the time when we are no longer kept apart.


I wrote this a little while back and just found it and thought I would share =)

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Why I think Cupid can suck it. (sorry for the vulgarity mom)

It's not that I am anti-Valentines Day.I promise I'm a lover by nature. However, after spending the last 3 Valentines day without a significant other one's outlook on this oh-so-stupid and over-rated holiday kinda goes down the pooper if you catch my drift.

#1 Reason I hate Valentines Day-It's complete BS to not love each other this much every single day of your life so why the hell is there a day dedicated to it?

Modern relationships are difficult enough without having to stage a major performance on a designated day. In recent decades Valentine's Day has become so commercialized and bases soley on the material things you can receive and or buy for your significant other. The media is bombarded with images of these perfect bodies with perfect teeth giving each other chocolates, jewelry, flowers and back rubs. The message is: "Your love is measured by what you buy." Which is complete bull malarky (yea I just said bull malarky). So what it might boost the economy a tiny bit and the card and chocolate makers hit major paydirt...but what is Valentines Day really supposed to be about? Why save up all that love and romanticism for one night? Wouldn't it be more economical to spread it to every day of the year? If everyone was to show this much love and happiness towards each other, every day the world would be a brighter place right? One could only hope.

#2 Reason I hate Valentines Day-it's way to stinkin stressful and causes normal people to FREAK OUT!
This is a stressful holiday for most people... Men in particular, agonize over the greeting card racks, hoping that they can choose a card that is not too funny, not too mushy b/c they don't want to give her the wrong idea. And this brings me to the gift: "How will she interpret it?" they ponder. "If I buy her chocolates will she think I want her to get fat? If I don't buy her chocolates will she think I assume she is fat?" "Are roses too predictable?"(which the answer is yes by the way)Poor guys...Talk about STRESSFUL! I mean don't most men screw this day up anyway? Even with all the bells and whistles and reminders that keep popping up in front of them they just are not that great at remembering a holiday(or birthday, anniversaries, etc) that pretty much determines the fait of their sex life for a LONG TIME. I don't get it!!!As for the ladies (yes I am talkin to my own kind here) ya'll run around in a vain attempt to uncover the big mystery of what your boyfriends are planning which makes all of your single friends (AHEM me) think they are going certifiably insane. It's SUPER ANNOYING. Which brings me to my last reason for hating V-Day...

# 3 Reason for hating Valentines Day-All your single friends feel like POO!
Here is a hint...We do not give a crap about what your boyfriend/husband/funbuddy does for you. We give a crap about how crappy it makes us feel that we yet again, are alone on one of the most loved/loathed holidays ever created. You see, Valentine's Day is like a slap in the face for people who are not in a relationship. Because the day is SO focused around love and the subsequent partner in which one shares that love with, those without such love and without such a partner miss out on the festivities. Thus,single people like me are undoubtedly found drowning our sorrows at the nearest bar Or better yet, parked on our couches with a load of chocolate and a great bottle (or bottles in my case) of wine...watching The Notebook.(yep that one I've been there and done that...NEVER AGAIN.) Whatever the case may be it is politically incorrect to have a holiday that intentionally excludes a big ass group of people. And its just plain mean. Why not have a holiday celebrating singles? At least the bars could give really great drink specials and have all kinds of single people running amuck sipping on drinks with names like a "moping martini" or a "lonely lemon drop". Now THERE is a holiday I'd be happy to celebrate.


My sentiment, as this oh-so-ridiculous holiday approaches is this: Love the one your with. Appreciate the time you are able to spend with your significant other. Don't focus on the material things..focus on your emotional well being and your connection with this special person. Just be thankful you get to be with someone that you love and cherish for all the reasons you love and cherish them. Life is short, good relationships are hard to come by so along with the flowers, candy and chocolate, make sure you let them know you appreciate them. ***Appreciation is not shown with material things***.... Love them that much everyday...not just the 14th of February. Also, take some time to appreciate your friendships. If you are like me, you love them just as much if not more than that special boy/girl in your life. I love the hell outta my friends...they are my rock and my salvation on a daily basis. Its more than I could ever ask for.

Speaking from personal experience, I have never really had a Valentines day worth remembering in a few years, so you may call me bitter...But I believe I am honest. I would just love to be able to share my life with someone who makes me happy. Flowers or no flowers.


***SIDENOTE*** This year I will be celebrating with great friends...some who are in relationships and some who are not. I couldn't be more happy to do so!

Happy V-day to all of you lovers out there.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

The Art of Letting Go

Over the course of my lifetime I have had many friends, family and several ex-boyfriends to whom I had to say goodbye to. Sometimes I was the one being left behind and sometimes I did the leaving. No matter who is doing what part,it hurts like hell to leave or be left. The pain of letting go is not imaginary. It’s physical. Even when both parties agree it’s time to let go, the pain is still there. Letting go is tough because the mind with its discernment of “it’s time!” can be out of sync with the heart which loves without judgment or reserve. My mind was always ahead of my heart...hell, they disagree most of the time when it comes to matters of the 'heart'. But I got thru the pain and the tears only to come out of the situation a stronger, well-rounded, better WOMAN. I look at the past two years and thank GOD that he was there thru all of it guiding me thru the path he has laid before me. He was there and He will always be there.

I am fiercely protective of my friends, especially if they are going thru something so painful, that it becomes painful for me. I wish there was an EASY button for these situations but there isn't. All I can do is lend an ear when needed, a hug and kind words, or in most cases a big bottle of vino and girl time. It kills me when my friends or family hurt and I wish for nothing more than to make it all go away. I have been lucky in my lifetime to have friends who feel the same for me and have taught me that the art of letting go, however painful and crappy it gets, THEY WILL ALWAYS BE THERE for me, no questions asked. They made me see the positive side of things just when I thought things hit rock bottom and they picked me up, brushed me off and made me feel like me again. I am forever grateful for those people.

After all was said and done I came to the conclusion that the most splendid of futures will always depend upon the neccessity to release the past...to let it all go. You can not move forward in life unless you learn from your past mistakes and move on.

Put away the pictures.
Put away the memories.
I put over and over
Through my tears
I've held them till I'm blind
They kept my hope alive
As if somehow that I'd keep you here
Once you believed in a love forever more?
How do you leave it in a drawer?

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go.

Try to say it's over
Say the word goodbye.
But each time it catches in my throat
Your still here in me
And I can't set you free
So I hold on to what I wanted most
Maybe someday we'll be friend's forever more
Wish I could open up that door

Now here it comes, the hardest part of all
Unchain my heart that's holding on
How do I start to live my life alone?
Guess I'm just learning,
Learning the art of letting go

Watching us fade
What can I do?
But try to make it through
the pain of one more day
Without you

Where do I start, to live my life alone?
I guess I'm learning, only learning,
Learning the art of letting go.



Happy blogging and remember to think of others before yourself, dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go and try to be who you really are..Because life is short and often only gives you one chance to really experience your life.

Happy Blogging all...

Rheagan

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Happpppyyy 2010!!!!!!

Happy New Year bloggers! I must say I had an incredible New Years Eve this year! I went to Dallas to visit my friend Chris and I was able to meet all of his wonderful friends and some of his family. We had a lot of Mexican food, played some beer pong, and rang in the New Year with a Bang (and I even channeled my inner mexican and wore a sombrero)! The New year has approached us...Its 2010!!! It got me thinking about what I want to focus on for the new year. Who do I want to be this year? How do I want to live my life and make changes necessary to live life to the fullest? Here are some of the resolutions I have come up with...

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Chris and I



1. I resolve that I will get into the BEST shape I have ever been in---Gotta work on that fitness!

2. I resolve to drink more. Wasn't it Benjamin Franklin who said, "beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." So I pledge to be really f'ing happy. That Benjamin Franklin was a wise, wise man.

3. I resolve that I will try to be more considerate of other people's feelings. That means Ill stop yelling long enough to actually listen to what the hell they are saying.

4. I resolve that I will try to stop eatting medicine just because it looks like candy. (Kidding mom)

5. I resolve that I will quit using the word "F***" so much. Its my fav curse word and I do believe it will be incredibly difficult to break that habit considering it is the most versatile word in the English language.

6. I resolve that I will no longer waste my time relieving the past, instead I will spend it worrying about the future.

7. I resolve I will do less laundry and use more deodorant. (hey itll save more water too cause I am also resolving to be more GREEN)

8.I resolve to roundhouse kick open every door possible. You know channel my inner Chuch Norris?

9. I resolve to be a better human being this year, and that includes trying to remember the names of people I have just been introduced to. It also includes trying to remember the names of people I already know.

10. I resolve to eat more waffles, even though this resolution is in direct conflict with my most important resolution of the New Year, which is to get back in shape but damn! Waffles are amazing. And when I'm dying, I don't want to regret not having eaten more of them. Cause I f'in love me some waffles.

11. I resolve that I will be in love again. Maybe not right this minute but hopefully sooner rather than later.

12. I resolve to write a blog about those incredibly irritating little stickers that are stuck to the fruit and tell the cash register at the grocery store whether you are buying Fuji apples for $1.29 a pound or Gala apples for $1.29 a pound.

14. I resolve to try and be a better person on the inside as well as on the outside.***


I want to focus on becoming a better person. Whether it be health wise, life wise or anything else wise I will work on it. Whatever you chose to work on last year carries over to this new year, try to keep your promises. Follow thru with your resolutions! It will make you feel better about yourself and ultiamtely lead to one heck of a 2010. If you need some suggestions here are a few that came to me while writing this lovely blog:

Some of us could work on being more honest.

Some of us could work on being more kind.

Some of us could work on not hiding our emotions.

Some of us could work on becoming less angry.

Some of us could work on becoming better listeners.

Some of us could workon facing our fears.

Some of us could work on remembering to say thank you.

Some of us could work on trusting our loved ones.

Some of us could work on having more faith.

Some of us could work on detoxifying our environment.

Some of us could work on detoxifying our minds.

Some of us could work on monitoring our diets.

Some of us could work on strengthening our discipline.

Some of us could work on broadening our skills.

Some of us could work on learning new languages.

Some of us could work on becoming better parents.

Some of us could work on becoming better friends.

Some of us could work on remembering our dreams.

Some of us could work on forgiving the past.

Some of us could work on strengthening our bodies.

Some of us could work on sharing and giving back.

Some of us could work on taking on greater responsibility.


As a result of all of the work that has been done quietly in our individual lives, we have collectively contributed to the blossoming understanding and simplest expression of what God is. God is our good, and even the good we do for our self counts. Each fully blossomed flower on the hillside of our destiny adds to the broadened spectrum of our being. And together, we create more than beauty, more than fate; we evolve the depth and scope of the All-Seeing.


We may never see it reported through the media, but there is more good happening in this world than evil. There are more children smiling in this moment than any single one of us could fathom… and someone just fell in love, and someone just helped a stranger, and someone just scored a goal, and someone got their hearing back, and someone's joking with their co-worker, and someone's sitting in the kitchen, while the rest of the household sleeps, writing a poem.

I am lucky enough to have lived this long and celebrate the New Year but I give thanks for all of the good that has gone unrewarded, for every kind word, action, or deed. Today, I gave thanks for the God that is within each and every one of you, that is us, when we claim who we are.

Happy blogging all...And a have a Happy New year however you choose to spend it.